WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
