So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
