butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
