plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
