Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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