I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just had sex bonerless
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
