i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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