ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
