Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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