For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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