Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
