The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
