NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
