"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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