I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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