This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
