Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
