I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
