Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You don't make any sense
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