i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
