dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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