Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize