She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
