and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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