there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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