shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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