did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize