He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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