I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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