We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I cut my penus on the lid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
