I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
