No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i out mim tonsoeep
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