If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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