How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
