mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
