Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
