hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
