I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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