Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
