Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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