At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
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How external is "for external use only"?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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