Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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