you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
