I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
