I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How does one acquire holy water?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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