Define "chronic" masturbator.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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