I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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