quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
