Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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