she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
