I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
