why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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