I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
