just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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