THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
