Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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