I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
