She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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