Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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