VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
