So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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