Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I have post one night stand depression
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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