don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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