A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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