He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize