So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
