Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
