maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
