She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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