Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So apparently I’m into choking now
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