i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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