so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
