Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
