My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
