And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
