Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
